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About Traditional Art / Professional Premium Member LavoniaFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 12 Years
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Just Random Things

Journal Entry: Wed Jun 3, 2015, 12:48 PM


Human beings are meant for movement.  We just are.  Motion is a beautiful thing.  It is something I have learned to cherish greatly. 

Pain.  It benched me for a while.  I'd cry when I had to walk.  Sweat from the stress. Pass out if I stood for over a matter of a minute.  75 steps, it's the longest distance I've ever seen.  That's how many steps from my couch to the bathroom.  I tried different things to distract, music, singing to myself, meditating, counting steps when I'd walk.  I did until the burning all over the lower half of my body beat me.  I just couldn't stand it anymore.  My belly is distended from the severe cortisol rise.  I shiver in pain most of the time.  I look frazzled and beaten.   I know what severe stress from pain looks like.  I can see it in the mirror.  

I doubled my medication.  The severe burning is more controlled.  It's never gone completely, but I can think now.  I can smile sometimes.  I can do a short bit on my wheelchair accessible cross trainer.  I am drawing some.  Planning some.  

This has taught me to let go of a lot of things about myself.  It taught me to not care what people think.  When you are in a wheelchair, you get used to getting stared at.  It takes time, but you get used to it.  Sometimes I'd feel like people could see my pain, I'm not sure why.  That's what I didn't want people to see, I could care less about the chair.  I know that seems strange.

I learned to truly love myself, inside and outside.  My body has worked so hard to keep me alive.  Why would I hate something that works so hard for me?  Just because I might have some flabby bits here or there.  Nope, I love it all now.  Each little freckle, all of my scars, each bit of it. I love it and if other people don't or do, I really don't care.

I haven't updated because I haven't known what to say.  It's taken me a while to get my thoughts together.  How do you explain many months absence with "I was doing nothing".  Well, I was surviving.  I am surviving.  I'm ok.



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lavonia
Lavonia
Artist | Professional | Traditional Art
United States
I grew up in rural Mississippi in poverty. I have always been one part dreamer, one part do-er. So I spent my childhood chasing the sun through the trees and drawing unicorns and bugs and birds with colored jewels in their foreheads. I managed to work through a Bachelor's degree in art but by my graduation my health was failing. (My training was in Printmaking, lithography and linocut primarily.) I took a detour from grad school and managed with teaching and making art in the field until I finally got the news.

I went 10 years before a neurologist discovered a large mass in my spine. It is inoperable, but life threatening if it continues to grow. I went through radiation to chance stopping the growth; the damage to my spine and body from radiation has been difficult. Afterwards, I've lost most of my ability to walk and constantly deal with severe chronic nerve pain.

In many ways I'm tremendously reclusive. I don't think I made a conscious decision to start making art that was extremely personal but it somehow became my means of communication and conversation. Making a beautiful piece is part of my perfectionist personality, making a piece that says something personal is my way of connecting. I do that through a formula of one part reality, one part fantasy.
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:iconaenea-jones:
Aenea-Jones Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Beautiful DAy by KmyGraphic Heart-and-rosa by KmyGraphic
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:iconlavonia:
lavonia Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2015  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you, you too.  :nod:
Reply
:iconcelem:
Celem Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the :+fav: on my stone fort pic :)
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:icontheghostsiren:
TheGhostSiren Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for favoring my work :blackrose:
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:iconcupcake-rufflebutt:
cupcake-rufflebutt Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2015  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thanks for the fave on my Terra costume! <3
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:iconaileenluib:
AileenLuib Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2015   Photographer
Hiiii Lavonia! I just wanted to drop by and thank you for faving my photo!! :hug:

By the way, you have a gorgeous gallery! I'll be starting my weekly feature journal soon so please be sure to look out for your deviations!!! :)
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:iconlavonia:
lavonia Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2015  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you so much.  :)  Best wishes!
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:iconordilloart:
ordilloart Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Your work is awesome!  Reminds me of Audrey Kawasaki...you kind of have a similar style to  hers. Great stuff! :) (Smile) 
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:iconlavonia:
lavonia Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you.  :hug:
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:iconleviatan-666:
LEVIATAN-666 Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2014
Lovely work,bonito trabajo.Hug 
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:iconlavonia:
lavonia Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
Muchas gracias, mi amigo.  :hug:
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:iconleviatan-666:
LEVIATAN-666 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014
Sherlock Holmes Hug 
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:iconjustcallmemike:
justcallmemike Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2014   Traditional Artist
Absolutely amazing workks ... :D
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:iconlavonia:
lavonia Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you so much! :hug:
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:iconimaginata:
Imaginata Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2014
Your work is really lovely :)
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